I leave my phone in the car and I go to the forest. I walk until I can’t walk anymore and then I sit down. I listen to all the sounds—or the silence. I breathe slowly
got in trouble with my wife yesterday, because I had the office phone turned off, cell was in airplane mode (oops, shoulda been dnd), and there was a huge brushfire threatening our existence...she couldn't get a hold of me
"Not affraid of solitude, but affraid of stagnation"
That says it all.
Fear is the key. One negative fear, and one positive fear, they negate each other, with the result of zero fullfilment despite the availability of all the tools of fullfilment, as it seems.
This is so relatable. I've started stepping away slowly from my computer on days that I can to just sit in silence. Silence is where you hear the screams the loudest, but there have been moments where I finally find peace and quiet. Those moments make it worth it.
I chant a mantra to myself to slow down slow down slow down. I need that in order to keep myself from going off the deep end with a substance or series of destructive decisions.
I loved the honesty and urgency of your theme. I remember feeling this agony as a boy and a young man. Somehow this kind of restlessnes left me when my three kids came along. They weren't just my kids, they were my best friends from the moment they arrived. And being creatives, and fairly broke, they still live with me now in their twenties. So when I experience the feelings you so wonderfully express, I am distracted by them, finding in them a way to ecape my own aching longings.
Thank you, that's interesting I could imagine with 3 around at all times there wouldn't be much space to feel a need to escape. I imagine they had a fun and creative childhood if you're the type of person that's filled with that energy.
Hey, just wanted to say, I really felt this. And I know what you are talking about. Just a gentle thought: stillness isn’t the same as stagnation, even though it may feel like that. Stillness is where the deepest parts of us finally get a voice. But when you’ve been raised in motion and constant noise, your body kind of panics in the quiet. It’s like withdrawal from a rhythm you were wired into. It’s not a sign that something’s wrong with you. It’s just your nervous system learning a new beat. Be soft with yourself. This discomfort means something is shifting. You've got this, woman!
I know that feeling. Itchy feet. Back to Italy. Maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for this time.
Ram Dass has a very good talk on this. Running from myself. You get all the way there, and where did you go anyway? The problems came with you. And there you are.
Blaise Pascal said that all of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
I watched Dances With Wolves again last week. It had been decades. And then you realize why certain people don’t say much.
The more we talk, it seems, the more we think, and the less we have to say. Maybe thinking isn’t good. Talking is good because it connects us to each other
oops, looks like I missed the poll the first time (somehow it's locked?) and just commented again. thought that was a different post - anyway, yes - there's listening, and there's listening.
Eckhart Tolle talks about this. he says, you're listening to me talking and you're not thinking, you don't know your name or your email address, if I asked you, you would know because you can think and quickly retrieve that information. that's listening, that's 'being'. listening and thinking isn't listening, because thinking is 'doing'.
something else happens, though, and I think what you're describing could be in between. meaning, if you're actually listening, and you've thought of something to say but you're not absorbed with your thought, that's not thinking. that's still presence, that's connection...you don't want to forget what you have to say, but you're not developing the thought, and you haven't gotten so caught up with your own thinking that you're no longer listening.
and yes, Blaise was right
the more we are identified with thought (ours, or someone else's), the less connected we are with ourselves or anyone else
Well thank you, I think it’s more I realistically can’t afford to be on the move always so I have to find a way to get joy out of living here without running off. Maybe it doesn’t mean I have to be boring while here but right now I don’t know that many people here so my entertainment options are limited.
Honestly, I just don't have enough time to get to the point where I'd be fluent enough to make friends so it seems a bit pointless to put in a lot of my free time to get only a bit better at wondering around. I've never been great at learning languages it's not a quick process for me. I also don't imagine staying here for the rest of my life.
Just be yourself, dear Hedonist. It’s clear from your post that you’ve got much to offer. Wisdom, honesty with yourself, sacrifice for your son … those are qualities many people can only dream of. So just be you 😊
I grew up in a family of 14 kids. Noise was constant, chaos was the norm. (I say that non-disparagingly, my parents did a wonderful job raising us, all things considered.)
But I understand your fear of the quiet and silence. And your need for noise and the chaos of busy, new, exciting, unknown, uncertain. I crave it too at a deep part of my core, I think largely due to the environment I was raised in. But my partner and I also did the non-normal thing after we married and just took off and traveled New Zealand, Australia, Singapore, Malaysia, China, Taiwan...backpacking for 7 months until we were tired of travel. So, the new and changing was there as well.
Now, we live in a house on a hill, far away from the big cities and the noise. It's beautiful, it's still.
But sometimes I crave the noise, the chaos, the wild. Someone showing up at 2AM with a bottle of tequila and a bad idea. Yes. I hear you.
Wow that is a serious crew to be raised with! You probably understand the feeling more than me then. How do you manage on your quite house on a hill? Go into hobbies and outdoor vibes?
I leave my phone in the car and I go to the forest. I walk until I can’t walk anymore and then I sit down. I listen to all the sounds—or the silence. I breathe slowly
I’d have to really hype myself up to go do this, but that’s probably really smart.
that's great, I do that a lot.
got in trouble with my wife yesterday, because I had the office phone turned off, cell was in airplane mode (oops, shoulda been dnd), and there was a huge brushfire threatening our existence...she couldn't get a hold of me
Soon you shall be swept off your feet by a provincial Italiano Casanova and live happily ever after. 😉
Don't mind me, I'm not mansplaining, telling you how to live, or anything of the sort. Just trying to give you a laugh.
Oh gosh don't worry I'm not the kind to easily be offended that way, I appreciate the unrealistic fantasy! One can hope, thank you!
"Not affraid of solitude, but affraid of stagnation"
That says it all.
Fear is the key. One negative fear, and one positive fear, they negate each other, with the result of zero fullfilment despite the availability of all the tools of fullfilment, as it seems.
This is so relatable. I've started stepping away slowly from my computer on days that I can to just sit in silence. Silence is where you hear the screams the loudest, but there have been moments where I finally find peace and quiet. Those moments make it worth it.
Thank you, I'm glad you've found a process to work through it and find your peace in it! I hope I'll be close enough soon.
I've been told it's a journey not a destination but man...is it a journey lol
I chant a mantra to myself to slow down slow down slow down. I need that in order to keep myself from going off the deep end with a substance or series of destructive decisions.
Simple but smart, thank you.
Focus has different definitions. You, have yours.
Try doing volunteer work anywhere.
I actually did go down a little rabbit hole to try but it's seeming impossible with the language barrier to do something in person.
Did you try a soup kitchen? An SPCA. There the dogs and cats understand you perfectly.
I loved the honesty and urgency of your theme. I remember feeling this agony as a boy and a young man. Somehow this kind of restlessnes left me when my three kids came along. They weren't just my kids, they were my best friends from the moment they arrived. And being creatives, and fairly broke, they still live with me now in their twenties. So when I experience the feelings you so wonderfully express, I am distracted by them, finding in them a way to ecape my own aching longings.
Thank you, that's interesting I could imagine with 3 around at all times there wouldn't be much space to feel a need to escape. I imagine they had a fun and creative childhood if you're the type of person that's filled with that energy.
Indeed. And to this day, we all work together on creative projects.
As an introvert your life is easy it’s the other side that is scary!
Hey, just wanted to say, I really felt this. And I know what you are talking about. Just a gentle thought: stillness isn’t the same as stagnation, even though it may feel like that. Stillness is where the deepest parts of us finally get a voice. But when you’ve been raised in motion and constant noise, your body kind of panics in the quiet. It’s like withdrawal from a rhythm you were wired into. It’s not a sign that something’s wrong with you. It’s just your nervous system learning a new beat. Be soft with yourself. This discomfort means something is shifting. You've got this, woman!
Thank you for your supportive words! Yes need to learn the difference between stillness and stagnation, fair point. Appreciate you :)
I loved reading this. Sitting in stillness or silence is easier said than done.
Life is vibration.
I know that feeling. Itchy feet. Back to Italy. Maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for this time.
Ram Dass has a very good talk on this. Running from myself. You get all the way there, and where did you go anyway? The problems came with you. And there you are.
Blaise Pascal said that all of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
I watched Dances With Wolves again last week. It had been decades. And then you realize why certain people don’t say much.
The more we talk, it seems, the more we think, and the less we have to say. Maybe thinking isn’t good. Talking is good because it connects us to each other
Yes definitely I'm a believe that it doesn't matter where you run as you will always be there with you.
Blaise Pascal was probably onto something.
Well probably a weird balance, talking without listening is also a massive problem and unfortunately if you listen you tend to think.
oops, looks like I missed the poll the first time (somehow it's locked?) and just commented again. thought that was a different post - anyway, yes - there's listening, and there's listening.
Eckhart Tolle talks about this. he says, you're listening to me talking and you're not thinking, you don't know your name or your email address, if I asked you, you would know because you can think and quickly retrieve that information. that's listening, that's 'being'. listening and thinking isn't listening, because thinking is 'doing'.
something else happens, though, and I think what you're describing could be in between. meaning, if you're actually listening, and you've thought of something to say but you're not absorbed with your thought, that's not thinking. that's still presence, that's connection...you don't want to forget what you have to say, but you're not developing the thought, and you haven't gotten so caught up with your own thinking that you're no longer listening.
and yes, Blaise was right
the more we are identified with thought (ours, or someone else's), the less connected we are with ourselves or anyone else
I used to have trouble sitting still with myself, too. my brain needed to find thing after thing to jump to in order to stave off the anxiety within
it's a journey being ok with just "being". here with ya girl <3
Thank you! 🥂
Not sure if anyone told you before, but there’s always the option of accepting who/what you are. When I read you, I see nothing wrong.
Well thank you, I think it’s more I realistically can’t afford to be on the move always so I have to find a way to get joy out of living here without running off. Maybe it doesn’t mean I have to be boring while here but right now I don’t know that many people here so my entertainment options are limited.
Sounds reasonable, yes. You will find your way.
What’s keeping you from learning Italian, if I may ask?
Honestly, I just don't have enough time to get to the point where I'd be fluent enough to make friends so it seems a bit pointless to put in a lot of my free time to get only a bit better at wondering around. I've never been great at learning languages it's not a quick process for me. I also don't imagine staying here for the rest of my life.
Just be yourself, dear Hedonist. It’s clear from your post that you’ve got much to offer. Wisdom, honesty with yourself, sacrifice for your son … those are qualities many people can only dream of. So just be you 😊
I grew up in a family of 14 kids. Noise was constant, chaos was the norm. (I say that non-disparagingly, my parents did a wonderful job raising us, all things considered.)
But I understand your fear of the quiet and silence. And your need for noise and the chaos of busy, new, exciting, unknown, uncertain. I crave it too at a deep part of my core, I think largely due to the environment I was raised in. But my partner and I also did the non-normal thing after we married and just took off and traveled New Zealand, Australia, Singapore, Malaysia, China, Taiwan...backpacking for 7 months until we were tired of travel. So, the new and changing was there as well.
Now, we live in a house on a hill, far away from the big cities and the noise. It's beautiful, it's still.
But sometimes I crave the noise, the chaos, the wild. Someone showing up at 2AM with a bottle of tequila and a bad idea. Yes. I hear you.
Wow that is a serious crew to be raised with! You probably understand the feeling more than me then. How do you manage on your quite house on a hill? Go into hobbies and outdoor vibes?